Reading this then reading your comment, I cried.
I am 37 and I would give anything for my mom to feel the way you do. And things would change for me, even at this age, if she came to me trying to fix things. I will admit that I had a terrible childhood with alcoholic parents who also were abusive. I cam to a point though where I understood that for anyone to love me, for me to ever have a change in my life that I wanted then I had to learn to love me first.
Not so easy when you have grown up hearing all of these things that you are or are not but that are never good, but I did it. I worked at it and i did it. I understand now that to ever feel love from another that I first must give it to myself. Thank you for your comment. The GoodTherapy. If you would like to search for a mental health professional by specialty, you can complete an advanced search here:. Holy moly!! Change his name to my name and that story pretty much sums up how I felt, and still feel! Now, what can I read or do to help change and address this issue?
There is one thing about it, growing up like that teaches you to be tough. But not so much how to love yourself and take care of helping others feel love in their lives too. But if you ever want to break free from the past you have to set some new and attainable goals for the future. It might not be that easy to change the way you have always thought, but is something to work on, work toward, and feel good about in the end. I sometimes sit back and wonder why people who are so intent on making everyone in their lives feel so worthless and useless choose to add more people into their sickness.
Life should be about living and enjoying it. I too agree that too am 36 and if my dad could admit or just recognise his mistakes and want to put things right I would welcome him with open arms… It is NEVER too late… Please do what you can to love your child the way they deserve x. My parents were always pretty self involved. They just always seemed to have other things on their minds than us kids.
I think that for all of us that took a real toll on us, not only how we see ourselves now but also how we have developed relationships with other people. I came from an extremely authoritative home where my voice was not welcomed or recognized. Through my own work with a wonderful spiritual counselor I was finally ready to accept them and know that they were broken and wounded. Does not excuse but makes room for love to enter and healing to begin. One of the most valuable things that we as parents could ever do for our children it to teach them how to love themselves.
It is such an easy thing to teach but then it is an easy thing to shatter within a person as well. If you teach someone to love themselves from a very early age this thing of wonder can help them all throughout their lives. Even when things are hard, they will always have this one certainty to fall back on.
This is why you think that people don't like you
There has to be something pretty deep that you are battling to have those types of ambivalent feelings about yourself. Great article! For me, this article serves as a reminder. A reminder to not become my parents and to heal from the damage they caused in me and my siblings. I grew up in a strict religious family who favored their sons and shamed and limited their daughters.
My father was absent most of the time and an alcoholic. This is also a reminder to teach my daughter to love herself. Not to shame her for being a girl, but to teach her to love and care for herself so she builds self-compassion and a high self-esteem. While having compassion for others of course.
How to Start Loving the Parts of Yourself You Don't Like
I needed help with the baby, but I could not rely on my husband. Everything he did seemed irrational to me. Looking back I know there was this motherly instinct of things going wrong that had gripped me, and that made me refuse help from him. While on one hand, I saw him get up each time I woke up at night to feed and clean the baby and silently understood that he was being immensely co-operative, on the other hand, I felt that he would not do things for the baby the way it needed to be.
I was tied and tugged between an anger for him and a love for him, and when I weighed these feelings, anger was on the heavier scale. My husband, whom I loved more than anyone else, had almost become a stranger to me.
Beware Self-Absorption: Why You MUST Like Yourself
Whenever we talked, it was more of a fight. If it was not an explicit one, it was a cold war. While I silently waited for him to come back home from work every evening, I never expressed my happiness on seeing him. All the warmth of my happy home had suddenly been stolen by an ugly, icy wind. There was a time when I almost waited for him to just ask me to leave.
Torn in this cogwheel of negative feelings, I continued to live. Now, when I think of his situation back then, my husband had a lot going on. A new job, a new city, a terrible boss to deal with everyday, the daily drive through the conundrum of traffic; life was difficult for him. What made it more difficult was probably a perennially angry and sad wife.
However, not once did he let me know of anything that was eating into him because he knew I was struggling with my own situation. He maintained his composure and fought with his time. Feeling utterly dejected, I had become a loner. I had stopped talking to people. I did not want to receive any calls, nor did I want to call anyone. First, I had no time for it. Second, if I had the time, I had no inclination to talk. I had my shell to withdraw into. The only person I talked to was my baby who probably could not understand a word of mine, though his smiles and babbles kept me going.
I was never unkind to him, and I loved him beyond measure.
- BORN TO BE A BRIDE (TV FICTION CLASSICS Book 46)!
- Vegetarian Cooking: Vege Shrimps in Spice and Herb Sauce (Vegetarian Cooking - Vege Seafood Book 63);
- Beware Self-Absorption: Why You MUST Like Yourself.
- Philosophy After Deleuze (Deleuze Encounters).
- Pee Wee Scouts: A Big Box of Memories.
My energy levels were flagging. I had no interest in doing anything for myself.
I would look at the world hopelessly passing by, days religiously turning into nights, and nights into days, but it never meant anything for me. I had no life of my own beyond being a mother and a wife. I had quit my job to enjoy my time with the baby, but was I really enjoying?
I Was Depressed. This Is How I Came Out Of It.
The only social life I had was the company of a few other new moms, most of whom may have been equally depressed as I was. There was this strange conflagration within, and I could not put it out. Neither could I put my finger on it and find out its source.
I kept myself inside my shell and saw no signs of hope. Gradually, the shell became stronger than before, and I got sucked into its pit. What ate into me was this behemoth hopelessness, a woeful discontent arising from lack of a purpose in life apart from mothering the baby. It made me disinterested in everything.
My confidence flagged, my anger seethed, my life became more dismal than ever before, and the apathy of being purposeless ate into me. I did not want to alienate anyone from me. Instead, I alienated myself from the world.