I felt like a victim of life.
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I did not wonder about the source of my joy; on the contrary I simply accepted these positive emotions. At the time, I used the skills best known to me, to defend myself against the pain I felt. For many years I attempted to transform a negative emotion into a positive one.
Albeit, the pain did not subside, it was still echoing loudly, and eventually manifested itself at full volume. Then not too long ago, someone gave me the permission to embrace my pain. I felt as though I had been given the authority to grieve the entire trauma that I had ever experienced. I began this journey of looking at the source of my pain.
Yet, I felt drowned by it, and I felt the constant burn of going through the fire. I indulged in this state and felt some form of relief about acknowledging all of this suffering.
Overcoming Divine Timing Resistance
Upon reflecting on the path I had permitted myself to take, to travel to the depths of my past, I uncovered that I had developed an unconscious belief that someone was guilty for inflicting this suffering on me. As a result, I continued the cycle of victimization, where I was seeking to lay blame on someone for my ill feelings, thus not achieving inner peace.
Following my last break-up , to the man I call one of my soul mates, I fell to pieces, and delved into the tides of emotions that came my way—sadness, loneliness, fear and depression. The pain was louder than anything I have ever experienced, thus far. I blamed him for all of the suffering I was experiencing, I made him the source of my turmoil, and then I used hate towards him to manage my pain. I was in victim mode, and I turned him into the cause of my darkness. Then it dawned on me, and I recognized that I was fighting against the tide again by not accepting my pain.
Emotions—be they uplifting and joyful, or sorrowful and scary— come to us to teach us. Once I began to surrender, embracing all of life and the lessons dispensed to us for our spiritual growth, I reduced my tendency to seek someone to blame.
The cycle of victimization is slowly disappearing, and being replaced with my own growth and healing. I learned that by embracing the darkness within my soul, all the while shining a light on it, I can better see the depth and darkness of my pain. It does show me where the source of my suffering resides: It was in me all along. By embracing what comes on this journey, and having faith that I am not given anything I cannot handle, I am going with the flow that life offers.
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Trying to go upstream is a defense mechanism that I learned to cope. I am learning a new way of coping, and I let myself feel the course of life. Faye Assee is a social worker and a spiritual warrior. She works at helping others find within themselves their own healing power. Follow Faye on Twitter ouropenheart.
This site is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal, or other professional advice. This darkness most often comes gradually, almost imperceptibly, if you are not vigilant. Pornography can be devastating.
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Indulgence in it will deprive you of the companionship of the Holy Ghost. It will darken your mind. It will weaken and can eventually destroy marriage and family life. Those who indulge in it soon feel alienated, unworthy, and unacceptable to God, to themselves, and to others.
Avoiding and Resisting Darkness
They become self-centered and less able to enjoy healthy and righteous interactions with others. They waste valuable time and money, jeopardize their standing in the Church, and diminish their ability to serve others. Some materials that are not explicitly pornographic can still fill your life with darkness and deprive you of spiritual strength. Television programs, pictures, movies, songs, and books often treat unchastity and infidelity as common, appealing, and humorous.
Avoid anything that drives the Holy Ghost from your life. Wholesome activities will help you and your family draw closer to each other and to the Lord.
America offline isn’t the answer, but in the meantime...
Limit the time you spend watching TV, playing video games, and using computers for entertainment. Set standards for your participation in these activities, such as restricting Internet use to specific purposes. As you determine what to include in your life, ask questions such as:.